When You Are Asked to Conduct the Funeral for the First Time

Conducting a funeral service for the first time can be intimidating. When you are asked to take part, there will likely be a relatively short time to prepare. You want to have the best presentation possible. A few practical suggestions are offered here.

When you are asked to conduct a funeral service for the first time, there are at least three groups of people you should talk to before you write your funeral sermon.

1. Talk to preachers in the area. They will know what is expected and may even have several sermon outlines that you can adapt or refer to in your preparation.

2. Talk to the funeral director. He or she will know the details of the funeral arrangements. Get as many details as you can. The funeral director will probably have the official obituary that will list pertinent information.

3. Visit the family before the funeral. Some key things to cover are:

• Favorite Scriptures
• Favorite songs
• Pleasant stories of the deceased
• Introductions to family members you do not already know
• Special circumstances (For example, there may be a family member reading a poem. There may be a club or organization participating in the service.)
• Funerals are for families. Try to minister to their needs.

The family may have a visitation period. When you go to this visitation, try to speak to all of the family members letting them know you and the congregation care for them. Likewise, at the funeral, when there is a time to talk to the family, try to speak to each of them. Let them know that you are there for them. At the family visitation or at the funeral be sure to, sign the guest book.

Traditions of sharing meals and visiting vary from region to region. If you do not know what is expected of the person who conducts the funeral for visitation after a funeral, ask a preacher, elders or longtime resident church members. But a rule of thumb for visiting is, when in doubt go visit.

No-Nos

Let’s start with things you should not do.

• Don’t single out visitors during church services. Some churches have visitors stand (or have everyone else stand while visitors remain seated) so they can be greeted. Some sing a song or give a gift to visitors.  This makes a terribly awkward situation for visitors. It takes courage just to walk into a strange church building. Most visitors would rather crawl under the pew than have the entire congregation focused on them, even in a kind way.

• Don’t have church visitors to introduce themselves. Most visitors prefer to stay in the background and just watch during their first time to a service. There are some gregarious visitors who are happy to introduce themselves but they are the exception and not the rule. Mr. Outgoing Visitor is going to meet a lot of people anyway. They don’t need to be singled out and for most people this would be their worst fear realized.

Things You Should Do

Making church visitors comfortable can be many simple things such as, complete clear sign letting visitors know where they need to go, clean appealing entrances, and easy visitor parking. Nice grounds and facilities will not make a visitor feel welcomed because they can be sterile and lifeless without the necessity of friendly people, but if you DO NOT have attractive and inviting parking and grounds you have made it very hard to let your people show the friendliness and love they have for visitors. Here are some specific ideas to welcome visitors.

• Have specific Greeters trained to greet church visitors. Greeters should be friendly and outgoing. Look for the people in your congregation who are easy to talk to and have great social skills.

• Greet church visitors as they arrive. Greeters should introduce themselves, offer help, and show visitors where to go.

• Help with the children. Help visitors find the nursery facilities or Bible classes. Take them to these rooms help through the process of checking in or meeting the teachers. Don’t try to force them to take their baby to the nursery. Simply ask if they would like to.

• Show church visitors exactly where they should go. Church buildings may seem simple to navigate for members but remember it is a totally new place for the visitor. Show them exactly where the auditorium or Bible class is, and even direct them to a seat (not the front row!) if seating is limited or hard-to-find.

• Teach church members to talk to church visitors. You do not need to pin a rose or visitor badge on the guest. When visitors are accompanied by a greeter or have a Welcome Packet, church members should notice, come up, and introduce themselves and get to know the visitors. Talking to just two or three friendly church members goes a long way in make visitors feel welcomed.

• Send church visitors a thank you note. Send a handwritten note on Monday, thanking them for visiting and inviting them to return.

• Take interest in visitors as people, not simply as visitors. Find out more about them. See if they have needs, prayer request, or other things you can help with. Take interest in them before you tell them all about your congregation.

• Leave them alone. It is a fine line but church visitors hate to be smothered. After you have done the things mentioned above you can give them time to breathe and just look around. It takes a great deal of sensitivity to know what too much attention is and what is too little. It is more of an art than a science. Pray about it.

Big Picture for Church Visitors

Every church is different and areas of the country are different. The exact things you need to do for visitors will vary according to church size, location, church personality, and many more things. Your mileage may vary. But there are some things that do not change.

• Love is the key. Love each other in the congregation and love your church visitors as people.

• Who you are as a church is more important than what you do for visitors. These how-to tips on greeting church visitors do not make a great church for visitors. The tips here simply remove barriers so visitors can see what kind of people you are as a church. Visitors are extra sensitive to insincerity and hypocrisy. Being a loving, Biblical church is infinitely more important than clever visitor techniques.

• Keep the goal in mind. Your Greeters Ministry is to glorify God and help make disciples by carrying out the Great Commission. The goal is not simply to increase the size of your church. You do the things you to because they are right and pleasing to God.

2. Write a letter of praise to a young person who shows leadership potential. Point out specific reasons you think that person will be a leader in the kingdom of God.

3. Take a young person to lunch and talk about how to begin to prepare himself to be a church.

4. Invite a young person to sit in on a leaders’ meeting. Be sure to seek the input of the young person as decisions are made.

5. Ask a potential leader to prepare an outline for a scriptural study on a question the leaders are considering.

6. Participate fully when the youth ministry has leadership training.

7. Teach an elementary aged Bible class, or at least substitute teach.

8. Ask a young person to share his or her dream for serving in the Kingdom of God with you. If they do not yet have a long term dream for serving God, help them to form one to work toward.

9. Ask a potential leader to read a book on leadership that you are also reading, then schedule time to discuss the ideas you both discovered.

10. Offer to pay for a young couple to attend a church growth seminar or lectureship.

This article is from Shepherding: Ten Ways to Be a More Effective Elder by Curt Gunz.

They also look for personal contact as their world becomes more impersonal. Would you rather listen to a computer voice say “For customer service press ‘one’ now” or talk to a real person? That principle carries over into other areas. Because people are increasingly dehumanized by technology, they seek affirming relationships.

People are looking, often desperately, for stability and meaningful relationships. This works together causing people to hunger for personal contact. For this reason, many are seeking out churches.

Your guests have made the first step and they are expecting something from you

Usually a person visits a church for the first time with a friend or relative. They are trying, in part, to find a place where people will accept them. They rightly expect God’s people to treat them different than they are treated by the people of the world. Most of the time they will come to your congregation in stressful periods of transition in their lives such as the loss of a loved one, the birth of a child, moving to a new area, or a serious illness. These are the times people visit a church for the first time. During these periods, they are looking for you to touch their lives. They really want Jesus to touch them and they look to your congregation as the embodiment of Jesus. That is exactly what we are to be as the body of Christ.

The people who visit your congregation come because they are hungering for relationships with you and with God. It is difficult to take the step of visiting a church for the first time. When they take that step and overcome their natural tendency to continue to stay away, you have an opportunity to minister to them and to share the Gospel with them.

Remember this important principle, when you follow up with guests to your worship services, you are responding to them. They have sought you out and you are helping them get what they really want. Often churches are afraid to follow up with guests. They do not want to seem pushy. That is unfortunate. Your guests have made the first step and they are expecting something from you or they would not have come in the first place.

Plan to follow up with love and help until your guests are either a part of your church family or they let you know they do not want any more of your care and help.

This article is from REACH OUT! Your Congregation’s Complete Guide for Turning Guests into Members by Curt Gunz.

Family members often contact the church office with information such as room numbers so get the room number before you go. If you do not have the room number ask at the “Patient Information” desk. Virtually all hospitals have a volunteer or employee who’s main role is to help visitors to the hospital find where they need to go.

Many hospitals also have a list categorized by “Religious Affiliation” that allows you to look for others who may be members of your congregation but have not had a chance to contact anyone about their hospital visit yet. Imagine the impact of being able to visit a patient or family who has just arrived.

Once you get to the patient’s room, knock firmly and wait for a reply. Then open the door and ask if this is a good time for a visit. If the doctor is there or it is an inconvenient time, you might want to wait a few minutes or visit another patient and come back. This may save you an additional trip to the hospital.

Allow the conversation to flow naturally. If appropriate, ask, “What does the doctor say?” or “When do they say you will get to go home?” An open ended question is usually all it takes to get the conversation going.

There are five words that will guarantee that your hospital visit is a success.

 May We Have a Prayer?

Simply imagine that the situation were reversed. If you or a loved one were in the hospital and someone loved you enough to visit, would you critique their visitation skills or would you be grateful they cared for you and your family?

A successful visit is a visit you make, is it not a visit you intended to make, nor a visit you do perfectly. If you go, you will be successful, but there are five words that make any visit even more successful.

May we have a prayer? Those five words will insure that your visit is successful. As an elder you are there to care for their spiritual needs. The medical staff and physicians are there for the physical needs. Family members and loved ones are usually there for the emotional needs.

Always ask before you lead a prayer. Very rarely a person will decline. If they do, respect that decision and pray for them privately later. Usually the people you are with are wanting, even craving, prayers. By asking them, you are respecting the family, giving them a chance to mention specific prayer requests and preparing them for the prayer.

This article is adapted from Shepherding: Ten Ways to Be a More Effective Elder by Curt Gunz.

Curt Gunz has been providing resources and consulting to churches since 1994. This website, YourChurchCanGrow.com has been helping churches, ministries, and church workers since 2001.

The website has helped thousands of people. However, for a few years it was dormant. It still had free tools and resources to help people like you but it was not being updated.

Recently we have totally reworked the back end of the website so it will perform even better than before and we are providing new resources as well as old favorites. You are welcome to browse, use the free tools that will become available, comment on articles, or just hang out.

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Great Commission Resources was founded in 1994. It’s purpose is to “provide resources and services to help carry out the Great Commission in our time” and it has been doing that through this web site, publishing church growth materials, and consulting.

Great Commission Resources has worked with over 2000 churches around the world (mostly of the churches are in the United States).

Curt Gunz

Curt Gunz is the owner of Great Commission Resources and maintains this website. He has been in ministry for the last 25 years. He has spoken to thousands about church growth and effective church work.

He has written several books on practical aspects of church growth.

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